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.She spoke only when necessary and then in monosyllables.For my part I hardly tasted the food.The meal seemed to drag on endlessly, but it was finished at last.Briony immediately escaped upstairs and as soon as politeness would allow I, too, made my excuses.Possibly without our inhibiting presence the two men would be able to relax.For myself it was a blessed relief to bath slowly and creep between the sheets.Below me I could hear the low, intermittent murmur of their voices, and it was to that sound that, shordy, I fell asleep.CHAPTER TWELVELance had arranged to run Gordon to the station the next morning on his way to college.‘Don’t forget I shan’t be in for dinner tonight,’ he reminded me as they were leaving.‘I have to attend that talk on cubism – they’ve landed me with being chairman.It won’t be a late meeting, though.I should be home soon after nine.’Bye, sweetheart.’ He kissed Briony’s unresponsive cheek and was gone.As the sound of the car reached us, she produced from under the table the diary she was keeping for Max and handed it to me without a word.From the closed look on her face I deemed it better not to ask questions and opened it in silence.The previous day, of course, had been her first entry, but an initial glance showed me that already something was very wrong.The first lines were what I had told her to write before dinner, about the sentences she ‘remembered’ in her head and her certainty of having met Gordon before.Then, halfway down the page, the handwriting altered completely and in this entirely alien scrawl I read, stumblingly, another verse of the poem by Robert Burns:Till a’ the seas gang dry, my Dear,And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;And I will luve thee still, my Dear,While the sands o’ life shall run.’I lifted my eyes to hers.‘I didn’t write it,’ she said.‘No.’‘What does it mean?’‘I don’t know, Briony.’ I closed the little book and smoothed the shiny cover with my hand.It felt cool and faintly ribbed against my palm.‘Someone must have come to my room and written it,’ she said defiantly, daring me to contradict the only safe solution.‘Yes,’ I agreed numbly and added, clutching at straws, ‘We’ll show it to Dr Forrest tomorrow.’She gave a little shudder, but after a moment she nodded and bent to kiss my cheek.‘Shall I give you a lift, since Daddy had to leave early?’‘No thanks, I’ll catch the bus.’‘It’s no trouble –’‘Really, Mother, I – want to be alone for a while.’I had to let her go.There was nothing else I could do.So Gordon’s visit had provoked another crisis, as I’d feared.Most significant of all, it had confirmed the existence of Ailsa, though in my heart I think I’d always accepted it.After all, she must have been with us all these years just below the surface, continually reaching out for Lance’s love.As long as Briony remained a child she was content to wait and simply be near him, but as she grew up Ailsa would become increasingly dominant.The strength of the headaches and resultant blackouts showed the force she was exerting to escape from the prison of Briony’s other self.How long could the child withstand her? Was it possible, in this rational, scientific age, for a girl actually to change into someone else?Twice I went to the phone to ring Max.Once I even lifted the receiver, but each time I turned away.Tomorrow.We’d see him tomorrow.I couldn’t ring him every time I felt anxious.Moira Cassidy tapped at the door.‘Mrs Tenby, do you happen to know if the invitation list is complete?’I stared at her blankly.‘The list for the invitations to the Open Day,’ she repeated patiently.Obviously her opinion of my intellect had not improved in the last week or so.‘Oh.I – haven’t actually – thought about it.’ I swallowed and tried hard to look interested.‘Mr Tenby usually keeps a dozen or so tickets back for his own disposal.Most of your friends are on the list from last year, but I just wondered if you might know of anyone who has been unintentionally omitted.I was hoping to have posted them all today.In fact, I did ask Mr Tenby last Friday to let me have the names, but he was dashing out to the chemist with Briony’s prescription and must have forgotten.I thought he might have left them for me on the tape but I haven’t come across them yet.’‘I’m afraid I can’t help, Moira.I’ll ask him tonight.'‘Very well, I’ll hold them back for the moment.’ She hesitated.‘Are you feeling all right?’“Yes, thanks.’ Did I really look so awful? As she went out I moved over to a mirror and studied my reflection critically.I did indeed look ill.My eyes were over bright, my features generally taut and strained, and a little nerve kept jumping irritatingly at the corner of my eye.What had Max said, that day I first met him? ‘The power of the mind can be devastating.’ I could hear the echo of his voice above the endlessly lilting tune which was circling in my head like a ghostly refrain.And devastating it certainly was.It had destroyed Briony, it was destroying Lance and myself.Where would it end?I thought with a sudden spurt of anger: There’s no reason why we should all behave like puppets.We have minds of our own.We would have to fight like with like, a psychic battle to the death.But Ailsa was presumably already dead and she was still stronger than we were.‘While the sands of life shall run’: that would be beyond the point of physical death.Life continued and sought a new outer casing, that was all.Energy could not be destroyed.As Roger had said, it made biological sense.Perhaps Ailsa would continue to pursue us down the centuries.Agitatedly I walked up and down the long room, my fists uselessly clenched at my side.Once I stopped at the painting and leant forward to examine more closely the small, perfectly portrayed figures of the lovers beneath the flowering cherry.Lance and Ailsa, hand in hand.There was no vestige of doubt left
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