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.I really should have taken my makeup off last night.One side of myhair was plastered to my head, the other sticking out in a series of peaks andhorns.It is as if the hairs on my head have a life of their own, behavingperfectly sensibly all day, then waiting till I drop off to sleep and startingto run and jump about childishly, saying, 'Now what shall we do?''You know,' said Mum, dabbing Givenchy II in her cleavage, 'all these yearsyour father's made such a fuss about doing the bills and the taxes - as if thatexcused him from thirty years of washing-up.Well, the tax return was overdue,so I thought, sod it, I'll do it myself.Obviously I couldn't make head nortail of it so I rang up the tax office.The man was really quite overbearingwith me.`Really, Mrs.Jones,' he said.I simply can't see what the difficultyis.' I said, 'Listen, can you make a brioche?' He took the point, talked methrough it and we had it done inside fifteen minutes.Anyway, he's taking meout to lunch today.A tax man! Imagine!''What?' I stammered, grabbing at the door frame.'What about Julio?''Just because I'm "friends" with Julio doesn't mean I can't have other"fiends",' 'she said sweetly, slipping into a yellow two-piece.'Do you likethis? Just bought it.Super lemon, don't you think? Anyway, must fly.I'mmeeting him in Debenhams coffee shop at one fifteen.'After she'd gone I ate a bit of muesli out of the packet with a spoon andfinished off the dregs of wine in the fudge.I know what her secret is: she's discovered power.She has power over Dad: hewants her back.She has power over Julio, and the tax man, and everyone issensing her power and wanting a bit of it, which makes her even moreirresistible.So all I've got to do is find someone or something to have powerover and then.oh God.I haven't even got power over my own hair.I am so depressed.Daniel, though perfectly chatty, friendly, even flirty allweek, has given me no hint as to what is going on between us, as though it isperfectly normal to sleep with one of your colleagues and just leave it atthat.Work - once merely an annoying nuisance - has become an agonizingtorture.I have major trauma every time he disappears for lunch or puts hiscoat on to go at end of day: to where? with whom? whom?Perpetua seems to have managed to dump all her work on to me and spends theentire time in full telephonic auto-witter to Arabella or Piggy, discussing thehalf-million-pound Fulham flat she's about to buy with Hugo.'Yars.No.Yars.No, I quite agree.But the question is: Does one want to pay another thirtygrand for a fourth bedroom?'At 4:15 on Friday evening Sharon rang me in the office.'Are you coming outwith me and Jude tomorrow?''Er.' I silently panicked, thinking, Surely Daniel will ask to see methis weekend before he leaves the office?'Call me if he doesn't ask,' said Shazzer drily after a pause.At 5:45 saw Daniel with his coat on heading out of the door.My traumatizedexpression must have shamed even him because he smiled shiftily, nodded at thecomputer screen and shot out.Sure enough, Message Pending was flashing.I pressed RMS.It said:Message JonesHave a good weekend.Pip pip.CleaveMiserably, I picked up the phone and dialed Sharon.'What time are we meeting tomorrow?' I mumbled sheepishly.'Eight-thirty.Cafe Rouge.Don't worry, we love you.Tell him to bugger offfrom me.Emotional fuckwit.'2 a.m.Argor sworeal brilleve with Shazzan Jude.Dun stupid care about Danielstupid prat.Feel sicky though.Oops.Sunday 5 March8 a.m.Ugh.Wish was dead.Am never, ever going to drink again for the rest oflife.8.30 a.m.Oooh.Could really fancy some chips.11.30 a.m.Badly need water but seems better to keep eyes closed and headstationary on pillow so as not to disturb bits of machinery and pheasants inhead.Noon.Bloody good fun but v.confused re: advice re: Daniel.Had to go throughJude's problems with Vile Richard first as clearly they are more serious sincethey have been going out for eighteen months rather than just shagged once.Iwaited humbly, therefore, till it was my turn to recount the latest Danielinstalment.The unanimous initial verdict was, 'Bastard fuckwittage.'Interestingly, however, Jude introduced the concept of Boy Time - as introducedin the film Clueless: namely five days ('seven', I interjected) during whichnew relationship is left hanging in air after sex does not seem agonizinglifetime to males of species, but a normal cooling-down period in which togather emotions, before proceeding.Daniel, argued Jude, was bound to beanxious about work situation, etc., etc
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