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.In just a few minutes, she had a fire started.She fed it with pine twigs, then with larger branches, but she kept it small, so that we could huddle close to it.Maara sat across the fire from me, her arms clasped around her knees, and gazed into the flames."Vintel has taken Sparrow as her apprentice," she said.Of course we both knew that.Everyone knew that.I waited for her to tell me what was on her mind.Suddenly she looked up at me."Is that hard for you?"I shrugged."I wish Sparrow could have found someone better.""That isn't what I asked you."Too late I realized I hadn't been paying enough attention.I heard in her voice my warrior's disapproval.It had been there when she complained that I couldn't keep pace with her, but I hadn't taken it to heart.Now I thought about her question and tried to give her a truthful answer."It's hard for me to know that someone I care about has had to accept less than she deserves," I said."She has what she wanted, doesn't she?""Yes," I said."At least, she has all she dared to want.""If she has what she wanted, then you must learn to accept it.""I do accept it.That doesn't mean I can't have my own opinion about it."Maara's eyes reproached me."What good will your opinion do you? What good will it do Sparrow? Things are as they are."She seemed almost angry with me.A sharp retort was on the tip of my tongue.I bit it back.I studied her face, trying to understand what she was telling me."What have I done wrong?" I said.She looked away from me and shook her head."You've done nothing wrong.Not yet.But I see a danger you don't see, and I wouldn't have you walk blindly into it.""Into what?""I didn't want to have to speak to you about this.It's none of my business, but I know that you and Sparrow are close, and now things will have to change between you."She was starting to frighten me."What things?""Vintel won't share her with you.You already know too well Vintel's jealousy over things she believes are hers.""Sparrow is not a thing," I said, "and Vintel doesn't own her.""Sparrow is bound to her, and to Vintel that amounts to much the same thing.""Sparrow is bound to her as I am bound to you, but I belong only to myself."At last she looked at me."I'm not Vintel," she said.I was afraid of what she was asking of me.If I had kept Sparrow's gift only to lose the giver, I had made a very poor bargain."What am I supposed to do?" I said."I can't stop being Sparrow's friend because of Vintel's jealousy.""I'm not telling you that you can't be her friend, but you can't be more than that."We stared at each other across the fire.It took me a minute to understand that she thought Sparrow and I were lovers.At first I was relieved that I could still be Sparrow's friend and that this whole conversation had come from a misunderstanding, but before I could explain, she said, "I believe you when you tell me you want the best for Sparrow, but don't deceive yourself.You must know in your heart that you're going to lose what you had with her, that Vintel is going to keep at least that much away from you.It's your own jealousy that hides behind your protest that Sparrow deserves better than Vintel."Her accusation stunned me.Then I was furious with her, furious that she had presumed to tell me that my feelings were not what I believed them to be, that she was, in a way, calling me a liar."You're right," I said."This is none of your business."I started to get up.She reached across the fire and took hold of my wrist, twisting it in a way that forced me to sit back down."Don't be stupid," she said."If you're going to disregard my advice, at least do it when no one but yourself will have to bear the consequences."Although I knew that we were talking at cross-purposes, I was so angry with her that I didn't try to make her understand.I glared at her and waited for her to release my arm.When she did, I got up and brushed the snow from my trousers.Without another word to her, I started back to Merin's house.My anger blinded me as I blundered back along the half-broken trail we'd made that morning.Soon I was gasping for breath, and the cold air made my chest ache.I had to stop, and when I did, the pain that so often follows anger caught up with me.I tried to nurse my anger, to keep the pain away, but Maara's words echoed in my head, and my anger yielded to the pain of knowing that she believed me guilty of both jealousy and self-deception.Anger.What had she tried to teach me about anger? Her words came back to me.Why do you care about Vintel's opinion? Once I realized I didn't care, Vintel's insults had no power to hurt me, but I did care about Maara's opinion of me.I cared very much.Nothing she had taught me about anger would help me this time.I looked back down the trail.I had assumed that Maara would follow me, but I didn't see her.I waited for several minutes while I caught my breath.She didn't come.When I looked for the smoke of her fire, I could neither see nor smell any trace of smoke in the air.Fear fluttered in the pit of my stomach.I tried to reason it away.The fire was too small to smoke.She was giving me time to think over what she'd said to me.I didn't dare to wonder if she had no intention of coming home with me, but suddenly I knew I had to find her.The fact that I had more to fear from being alone in the winter woods so far from home never occurred to me.I quickly retraced my steps.I was relieved to find her where I'd left her.She looked up at me, her face expressionless.It was up to me to heal the breach between us."I care what you think of me," I blurted out."I can't pretend I don't.It hurt to think I might have lost your good opinion."She looked surprised."It would take more than a little disagreement to do that."Before I heard or understood her, I tried to explain, to her and to myself, why I had been so angry with her.Words tumbled over one another in my mouth.Even I couldn't make much sense of them."Tell me later," she said."Sit down.Let's just be quiet for a while.""I need to tell you -- ""Hush," she said."You won't find the truth in so much talk."When I stopped talking, my trapped thoughts flew around like dry leaves in a whirlwind.A few times I forgot what she'd told me and opened my mouth to speak only to shut it again, until at last my mind began to let go of the thoughts that only chased their own tails inside my head.For a while I watched Maara out of the corner of my eye.Then I began to pay attention to the world around me.It was quiet.No wind stirred the trees
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