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.When I touched her diaper bag in the storage shed, I felt like I was touching her.Remember, how her diaper used to feel beneath her sleeper, all crinkly and soft." She sniffed."I don't want to do this.Why am I doing this?"Nick's gut clenched at the wistful longing in her voice, the hunger that he felt reflected in her voice."I miss her, too, Lisa.You know what I remember, the way Robin used to squeal when we put her in that little bathtub.She loved the water.She didn't care if it got in her eyes or anything.Did you see her rubber ducky in the shed? I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it.She loved it so much.""Oh, Nick.Why can't you just learn to throw things away?""Anything can be salvaged, if you try hard enough." He paused, knowing his remark had hit home by the way Lisa looked down at her shoes."How did you find out about the storage unit?""My mother.She gave me the key and the address.""Then how come you didn't go and hit her?"Lisa reluctantly smiled."I don't know.Habit, I guess.You kept some of my things, too, the jewelry box you gave me, the rocker, the birdbath.You should have at least sent me a bill for the storage unit.""If I'd done that, you would have destroyed everything.""I could do that now.""Do you want to?""I don't know." She took a step back, and he pushed his hands into his pockets.For the first time since storming into the room, she looked around.He saw her eyes widen again in surprise, and her hand began to tremble as she reached out to touch the crib he'd just finished."This -- this is what you make?" she asked, her blue eyes reflecting more shock."Yes.I make handcrafted baby furniture, cribs, cradles, rockers, dressers."Her eyes darkened with horror just as he had expected."Oh, my God.I thought you were normal, that I was the crazy one.But you -- you're sick.You're obsessed with her.You're--""Stop it," he yelled."Stop what? Someone has to say it out loud.Do your customers know that your own baby died in a crib just like that one? Do you think they'd buy this furniture if they knew?"Nick felt a wave of deep, stunning anger."How dare you imply there's something wrong with these cribs? This is not a sick obsession; it's a business, and a good one.""Based on our daughter." She peered down at the robin in the corner, then put a hand to her mouth."You even use the bird!""The name of the business is Robin Wood Designs," he said ruthlessly."It's all about Robin, our daughter, the one whose name you can't even say out loud.""I have to sit," Lisa said, weaving slightly.Nick pushed her down on top of a crate.She rested her head in her hands as if that would stop the dizziness, the madness.After a long moment of silence, Nick knelt in front of her.He put his arms around her and pulled her against his chest.She didn't resist, so he just held her for long, silent minutes, his chin resting on top of her head.Finally he spoke."I needed to make something that would last, Lisa, something that would be here when I'm gone.For a long time, after you left, a couple of years I'm ashamed to say, I didn't even know what time it was, what day it was.I got so wasted I lost my job.Then I met an old guy who made furniture, and for the first time in a long time, I actually thought about something besides you, besides Robin."She lifted her head and looked at him.When she didn't say anything, he continued, knowing that he had to make her understand, that he couldn't let her go back to L.A.thinking he was crazy or worse -- abusing their daughter's memory in some twisted way."Carving the wood was like therapy, I guess.It felt good to be working with my hands again, to be making something beautiful.It took some of the ugliness out of my life.I stopped drinking, and I started working again.At first I just made rocking chairs.Then one day I made a cradle, then another.It seemed like every time I made a piece of baby furniture, I got a piece of my life back.""I don't understand," she whispered."I know you don't.Because in order to survive, you had to leave, you had to forget.The only way I could survive was to face the memories head-on every day, to think about her, to remember her.Otherwise, I felt like she would have died for nothing.Robin was here on this earth for two months.She was inside you for much longer." He stroked her face with his fingers, feeling her soft skin beneath his calluses."She was in us always.""Oh, Nick." Lisa took a shaky breath."I don't want to cry.""She was beautiful, Lisa.Robin looked just like you.Her blue eyes, her dark hair.Remember her tiny hands, her long fingers?""Stop, please.""She used to watch you when you left the room.And when she woke up, and she saw you, her smile was so damned bright, it lit up the whole room.""Except for once." Lisa's voice broke as the tears gathered in her eyes and one slid down her cheek."She didn't wake up, Nick.She didn't smile at me.And it was my fault.I wasn't good enough.I didn't do the right thing.I--""Sh-sh." He put a finger against her lips as the tears streamed down her face."You did everything right.She just died, Lisa.It wasn't anybody's fault.""She was in the crib, and it was too big for her, and she should have been in the cradle, but we wanted her to be in her own room, because we were so tired at night, and it was so difficult to sleep, hearing her breathe and rustle around in the blankets, and that's why we moved her." Lisa sobbed the last few words.Nick tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling his own emotions threatening to spill out.He couldn't stand the look on her face, the pain in her voice, but he knew she had to get it out, that they finally had to face it."The crib had nothing to do with it.The doctors all said that.""But how can anyone die for no reason?" she asked, crying in earnest now."How can a little innocent baby die without anyone knowing why? It's not fair.It's not right.Why did this have to happen?""I don't know, honey.All I know is that we loved her as much as any parent could love their child.We didn't kill her with lack of attention, or too many blankets, or put her in the wrong position.We didn't.""It could have been that.She was on her stomach.""She loved to sleep that way.She hated being on her back, remember?""Now they say that might be bad for babies.""Now they say," he repeated softly."We didn't know it was the wrong thing to do.We still don't."His voice was gentle, kind.Lisa felt it cover her like a warm blanket
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