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.And people will tend to be influenced by how they hear things, when and from whom.So maybe you won’t want to leave it too long.”She pauses to let her words sink in before continuing.“ I know it’s hard, Darling, but it is true that this business of coming out, if you want to put it like that, is ongoing and never over.We have to constantly assess how we are seen and whether and when and how to come out.It’s as true in the family, as it is at work and in our social circles.It’s tough, Joanna.But we need to think about this reasonably quickly.I suppose we need to think about this before we are really ready ourselves to face the outside world.If we don’t, the outside world will take over and control us.”Joanna listens to the words and can see the common sense in what Geraldine is saying.Her friend has not saifd any of this lightly.It has been carefully thought out before tonight.But Joanna protests inside at the very notion of having to define herself to the world.She wants her privacy and her time of absolute intimacy with Geraldine to be untarnished by anything else.It is good that Jeremy knows, but someone else is already, at one level, interpreting her very new relationship.Fine, Jeremy’s has been a positive response.But it is all happening too soon.It is too soon for Joanna.She is scared and she knows it.And she knows that in thinking about privacy, she is kidding herself.‘For privacy, read secrecy.’Chapter 21The last thing she wants is the voice of Annie on the line.She has barely adjusted to the quiet in the house after Jeremy went back to Dundee this morning, keen to have the weekend in his university world rather than in his home city which has no immediate attraction now that his friends, by and large, are scattered across the centres of higher education in Scotland.Joanna put up a few suggestions for how they could all spend the weekend together, maybe including a day’s hiking in the Torridon hills, but the allure of the night spots was too great and off both boys went, picking up the girl friend Zoe as they went, all in Jeremy’s beat-up car.She had the mandatory call from them by lunchtime to confirm they had all arrived safely, and with the few words of how well the anniversary had gone, words of affection exchanged all round and exhortations from her to look after themselves, the house returned to quiet and calm.It should stay like this till Daniel slams through the door late on Sunday evening, ready for school on Monday.She misses them and probably always will each time they leave to go to the next exciting episode of their busy lives.And this is certainly a big change – one boy away and the other with an older girlfriend hitting the city lights, albeit under the watchful eye of his older brother.Lou wandered around this morning like a fish out of water after they went and nothing seemed to console her.Each time either of the boys is gone, it takes time for her to adapt once again to her life of school, her after-school club and visiting friend Jo-Jo.But for Joanna today, the departure of the boys opens opportunity.She will see Geraldine tonight when her friend has finished her day’s shopping with Judy and then dropped her daughter back to her cottage on the Beauly side of town.In a frosty call to Joanna, Martha has invited Lou round to sleep over and Joanna has agreed, albeit reluctantly.She does not much like Lou being with the Rodgers.But Joanna is freed from her maternal responsibility by virtue of Lou’s planned sleepover with the Rodgers and she is going to spend her first night at Geraldine’s home.She knows of old that Geraldine loves cooking and has something special prepared for the meal.All that Joanna has to do is put in Saturday and then it will be time.Now, out of the blue in the late morning, Annie is on the line saying that she is on the road, heading towards Aviemore for a conference over the next week and asking if she can come and stay with Joanna for this weekend before the conference starts.Joanna is not at all sure that she wants this to happen.It is so typical of her former lover to just assume that she can land like this, with precious little warning.Joanna’s time with Geraldine is already so circumscribed and she wants all the privacy of time alone with her that they can manage.And she has no idea what kind of behaviour she can expect in front of Lou from Annie, the woman who was once her lover.Her instinct is to protect Lou, who will be around during today and most of Sunday.Only after she has thought this, does it occur to her to consider that Geraldine may have some feelings about one of Joanna’s ex-lovers turning up so soon into their new relationship.Will she think that Joanna has engineered this? How would she, Joanna, feel if the shoe were on the other foot and one of Geraldine’s ex partners was heading up for a weekend?Joanna stalls for time.She is friendly enough, but she has other arrangements, she explains to Annie.So today, Saturday, is out but she will speak to the people she was going to spend Sunday with and perhaps they could at least arrange something for tomorrow.Maybe lunch? She hears Annie’s disappointment and listens as she makes some quick adjustment to her provisional plan.Annie thinks she could be in Edinburgh by three o’clock, spend the night there and drive on up to Inverness tomorrow, Sunday morning.Perhaps if she was in town by twelve-ish, they could meet up then?What will she do in Edinburgh, Joanna asks, expecting the answer that her old friend will be off to the latest theatrical production – there is a revival of Jacques Brel showing at the Queen’s.But no, Annie surprises her.She is going to go to the Lavender Link.Joanna has only heard of it – never been there.It is one of Edinburgh’s ‘places for women’ as it is euphemistically called - a lesbian pub and disco club.“What in God’s name are you going there for?” she almost chokes on her coffee as she listens to Annie.“You’re surely not going there on your own, are you?”“Why not?” Annie laughs.“It’s got a safe reputation and I haven’t had a night out in a club for ages.I’m only going to have a drink - and a dance, hopefully.”Joanna does not want to think about all the reasons why Annie should not be going to this club.There is the fact that not many professional women would dream of being seen in such a place.There is the fact that places like this attract some of the toughest of characters and the worst of drink related incidents.Then there is the fact that Annie works for the government and has, at very least, the protection of her professional status to think about, albeit she will be reasonably anonymous away from Birmingham.Joanna could go on thinking of all the reasons why this is not a good idea.But she and Annie have only had a bantering closeness on the phone over the recent calls and postcards and Joanna knows that she will not influence Annie even if she continues to try.Annie is clear – she is as far ‘out’ as her job permits her to be.Her relationship with Jemmy is quietly understood and accepted.If she is invited to the home of her colleagues, she is invited as one of a couple.Even when one of her team was married recently, Jemmy and Annie went together to the reception
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