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.16Jennifer smiled coyly.“I just asked around,” she said.“People 17overhear things.”18“You’re some investigator.” Kate said, standing up to get her 19cape.“Listen, I’ve got to run to the doctor’s.If anyone calls, tell 20them I’ll be back around three.”212223After leaving the office, Kate took a taxi home.She spent an hour 24or so dawdling over a peanut butter sandwich, flipping through a 25newspaper as she ate.She ignored the news, focusing instead on 26the ads.Tiffany’s.Bergdorf-Goodman.Bendel’s.27When she got back to the office, a little after three, Kate went 28straight to the phone to check her messages.She stared at the dark 29message light.Nothing.Not a single call.She couldn’t remember 30the last time this had occurred.It gave her an uneasy feeling, as if 31she’d slipped into some sort of netherworld, a no-man’s-land of re-32duced expectations.She’d seen it happen before, to associates who 33weren’t making the grade.First, they stopped getting assignments.34 shAt the start, this came as a welcome respite, a rare chance to leave 35 re9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 2182 1 8A M Y G U T M A N1work before dark.But after a few days, a few key meetings to which 2they weren’t invited, the truth started seeping in.Most associates 3took the hint and began the search for new positions.Those who 4clung to their jobs, or stayed willfully obtuse, were eventually ap-5proached more directly.6Could that be happening to her?7The only thing on her calendar today was her four o’clock meet-8ing with Josie.Eyeing the phone, Kate considered canceling, 9pleading a work-related crisis.But, really, what would that solve?10Besides, she needed to set an example.As Josie’s mentor, she’d 11tried to teach her the importance of keeping commitments.And 12the appointment would at least keep her occupied, keep her mind 13off what was going on.14By five, Kate’s mood had only darkened.Still no word from 15Mills.And still no sign of Josie.Kate could feel the tension build-16ing inside her.She chewed at a fingernail.Maybe she should have 17gone to the meeting, if only to defend herself.And where in the 18hell was Josie? Irresponsible.Immature.Selfish.Here she was, re-19arranging her schedule for a girl who couldn’t even show up.Now 20here was one place she could take some action.Turning to her 21Rolodex, Kate flipped through the cards until she reached Josie’s 22number.23w24Josie slapped the child — hard — across the face.For an instant, 25there was silence.The little girl’s eyes got bigger.Then, she let 26out a howl.Josie reached out and grabbed her sister.Hugging her 27tight, she rocked the tiny figure back and forth.“I’m sorry, baby.28I’m sorry.”29As she rubbed four-year-old Shari’s back, Josie stared at the 30chipped kitchen cabinets, now smeared with half a dozen raw eggs.31She’d left Shari alone just five minutes — five minutes! — telling 32her to stay put at the kitchen table while she got the laundry out of 33the dryer.But by the time she’d gotten back upstairs, Shari had ort 34smashed every egg in the house.Yellow yoke slithered down the reg 359858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 219E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H2 1 9painted wood, mixed with the snotlike white.Josie wanted to burst 1into tears.Those eggs were supposed to be their dinner.2Shari’s cries had grown softer, and Josie plunked her down on a 3kitchen chair.She’d promised herself that she’d never hit either of 4the kids.They took enough abuse from their mother without a big 5sister joining in.What was wrong with her today?6Closing her eyes, Josie leaned her arms against the kitchen 7counter.She wished she were a million miles away.She wished 8she’d been born into a totally different family.And most of all, she 9wished that Mama would come home like she’d promised.Or at 10least before the kids went to bed.But, she thought bitterly, what 11were the chances of that?12Josie flung open the refrigerator door.The bulb had burned out 13a long time ago, and she had to squint to see what was there.Noth-14ing that would do for dinner.They did have some milk, though.15And a box of cereal.Well, that’s what they’d have to eat.And if 16Shari and Freddy didn’t like it, that was just too bad.17Josie heard the front door open and close.Then Freddy was in 18the kitchen, an eight-year-old bundle of denim and attitude.19“Freddy!” Shari’s small face grew bright.She was wild about her 20older brother, though the feeling wasn’t mutual these days.Freddy 21grunted and slumped down in a chair.22“What’d you do at school today?” Josie said, pulling three bowls 23off a shelf.24“Nuthin’.”25“What d’you mean nothing?” Josie turned to face Freddy, who 26was staring morosely at the egg-covered kitchen cabinets.He 27didn’t bother to ask what had happened.“You’re in school eight 28hours a day, you gotta do something.”29“Not really.Hey.What we havin’ for supper?”30Josie dumped cereal into the three bowls.“Cap’n Crunch.”31“For supper? ” He gave her a disbelieving look.32“Yup.” Josie didn’t feel like explaining.She put bowls down in 33front of the kids, then went back for her own.She poured milk on 34 sh35 re9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 2202 2 0A M Y G U T M A N1Shari’s cereal, then pushed the carton over to Freddy, who looked 2at it in disgust.Wasn’t he going to eat? She was too tired to care.3She picked up the milk and poured it over her own cereal.Every-4thing was quiet.Which was fine with her.5But as she chewed, Josie found herself getting more upset.It was 6so unfair! Everything was so good until this fall.Mama had gotten 7so much better.She was even talking about looking for work or go-8ing to school.And then, after Grandma died, everything had 9fallen apart.That was when Josie had found the drug stuff, 10wrapped in a towel in the closet.Crack vials, a pipe, needles.She’d 11thrown the whole mess out, and Mama had never said a thing.But 12both of them knew the score.13The phone rang.14“I’ll get it.” Freddy was already out of his chair, bounding to the 15living room
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